So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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