Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
