It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
