I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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