your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish you could order shots online.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
