I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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