He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
