dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
