Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
pray to the hookup gods
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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