you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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