I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
