i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
