Are we in a gay sports bar?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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