What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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