Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she peed on how many people?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize