i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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