Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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