The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
