At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
