So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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