My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
