he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
