the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
