and she was petting her beer can
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
