The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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