i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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