So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize