dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
