So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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