Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
