If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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