His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
foreskin is a definite game changer
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
