how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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