and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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