I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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