I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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