..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
