so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
