I'm so fucking centered right now
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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