wrigley field is MILF paradise
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
