theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
