I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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