I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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