Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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