should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
