I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
