oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i will never coherently bang her
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
