it wasn't lemon gatorade
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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