Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
