I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
