He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
