hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
