It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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