His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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