this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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