I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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