I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
