It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Text me some of your sweat
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
