I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I fill condoms, not promises.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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