you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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