At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
