Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
