Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
