I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
