You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
