Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
