yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
