I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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