i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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