So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
