bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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