Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
