I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
