I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
