So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
