Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
