imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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