he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
