Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
