I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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