I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
