i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
