my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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