remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
