I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
