Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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