I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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